To Be Present is To Be Spontaneous

To be present. This means to be accommodating, to be adaptive, to adjust to the surprises that are thrown at us and change in order to fit the situations that we are placed in. Even if you had another plan, other desires or needs, to be present means to see and hear and feel for other people -- no matter how well you know them, how close they are to you, or how "significant" you believe them to be -- and to recognize their needs may be greater than yours. And sometimes, that means tossing your plans to the side to be there for another person. No matter how great or small the act or the request is, this is what it is to be spontaneous and present, living in the moment.

To Really Be Present, Really, Interacting With the World

Today I can honestly state that I was present for more of the day than usual, I was present more often than not.

Be honest with yourself: were you present today? What does it mean for you to be present? What kinds of attributes or traits may you need to adopt and what kinds of habits or tendencies may you need to strip?

I am present when I am teaching and when I am learning and practicing. This to me, is natural (after years of practicing yoga). The work lies in being present off of the mat, while I'm driving, while I'm cooking, while I'm cleaning, while I'm shopping for groceries. Trivial and mundane tasks where it is easy to be on auto-pilot and just go. Because we know these actions well, we have done them before, and we do not need to be present to get them done again and again. We can close our eyes while strolling down the aisles, close our ears while we cook and clean, and keep one hand on the wheel while the other plans the To-Do list for the rest of the week. Because we are a future-oriented breed. Planning, anticipating, expecting, worrying.

But can you break down those habits, and interact with your world, your environment, and the people in it in a completely new way that means accommodating, adjusting, and acknowledging? That means indulging in each moment as though it were your last, that means embracing each encounter because your whole life has brought you to this moment, to this person that is standing in front of you, whether it is your lover, your boss, your neighbor, or the gas station attendant. Can you be present with this person? Be honest, be real, interact with them, listen to them, speak to them, share with them your knowledge, your experience, your insights, your life.

When the cashier at Trader Joe's asked me how I was, I gave the answer that we all give when we are not present: "good, thanks, how are you." I was hardly asking him, and hardly answering him. I gave him a standard answer because I was already out the door. I was already driving home, I wanted to be home, because I wanted to eat, I wanted to continue the projects I had started this weekend, I wanted to get a lot done before I had to teach my evening classes, so I was not there. It was not an honest answer. Even if you are "good," can you give it more thought? Can you answer the question with more sincerity? Can you slow your answer down, give it careful consideration, offer a different word, a different perspective, and really listen to the other person when they are speaking back to you? That is presence.

It didn't hit me until after. My initial inclination to feel badly about that, to beat myself up for a short time, telling myself Oh you're no good, you're not present, you're not mindful, what kind of yogi are you, how do you teach peace and presence to other people when you can't find it yourself." But not today. No, today, I said, OK. But now I know. I am aware of it. This is a GOOD thing. This is how we change. You catch yourself more and more often, and you grow and expand and move and develop from that. Not to mention, it is a practice. That means IT is moving, breathing, living, and therefore fluctuating. Just because I can't find the presence in each moment, does not mean I am not practicing finding the presence.

One glimpse of that, and you will want to stay there. Everybody that has felt what it feels like to be present, to be immersed in a moment, will work to stay there, because it is worth it.

Comfortable with Uncomfortable

Most of today, I was uncomfortably damp. I took an Ashtanga-Inspired Vinyasa class this morning (a real treat, because normally I teach Sunday mornings), and I sweat so much, it was noticeable in touch and in sight (hopefully not smell), through my skin, my hair, and my clothes.

I pretty much had to go straight to a workshop I registered for from there, so no time for a shower. It was also pouring rain this morning. So, between the sweat and the rain, I was unusually wet most of the morning into the afternoon. This reminded me of getting comfortable with the uncomfortable.

This is what we do in yoga. We put ourselves in often uncomfortable positions so that we can train ourselves to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. We must take ourselves out of our comfort zone. If we are comfortable, we do not change. We get lazy. No shift occurs if we are comfortable because we will keep doing whatever it is we are doing and that is how we form habits and develop patterns and these are the very things we are trying to bring light to, to change, to shift, to become aware of, through the practice of yoga.

Driving in Meditation

As far as I am concerned, driving on Long Island is one of the more stressful activities you can be forced to endure throughout the day. If you can meditate while driving, you'll find other endeavors far easier.

When I say "meditate," I do not mean close your eyes, or daze off, get all dreamy, and end up traveling from Point A to Point B without knowing how you got there. That's not meditating. That's called not being present, and is in fact, the exact opposite of meditating.

When I say meditating, I mean you must be fully present, fully focused, and completely immersed in the moment in the act of driving -- while remaining balanced, content, and peaceful. That means, you're not harshly accelerating because you're in a rush (as everybody seems to be on Long Island). That is rajas, over-activity and aggression. That means you're not blocking intersections, even if it's just the 711, because you had the where-with-all and the foresight to see that someone would need to turn out of that parking lot or make a left-hand turn into that parking lot while you're still braking at a traffic light. That means you're not swearing the person tailgating you, even if he/she flashes his/her lights at you or honks his/her horn. That means you're not missing your turn or missing street signs or signals or sirens because your mind went somewhere else. That means you don't have to slam on your brakes because you looked down to change the song and when you looked up traffic was stopped or a pedestrian was walking in front of you. You are not la-la-ing around, admiring scenery, gazing at the stars, marveling at flowers in bloom... this is laziness, tamas, not what we are looking for while driving. You are arriving at sattva, present, alert, focused, you hear what's going on around you too, because you're not on a call wrapped up in someone else or something else that is not on the road in front of you. This is meditation. Being focused on the road, on your environment, on the affect you are having on the environment and other people on the road and the affect that they are having on you.

The next time you catch yourself curse the person who cut you off, stop. See if you can take a deep breath. You'll notice that when you are in that kind of rush or panic, the stress registers in your body and your breath will get shallow or inconsistent in some way. Witness the effects that driving has on your body physically, mentally, and emotionally. How does it affect your musculoskeletal structure, your posture, your breathing, your mood, your attitude, your thoughts, and your feelings?

See if you can transport yourself from one place to another, without rushing but without being in another world, but being fully in this world, anticipating other people's moves, using judgment and awareness when it comes to your moves, and trusting that you are going to get to where you need to go when you get there, so abandon the controlling, the rushing, the worrying, the aggravation with other people, and allow yourself to just be.

What Inspires You?

I've discovered a way for keeping myself on track. I decided that if I can constantly remind myself and remain aware of what inspires me, what motivates me, what my intention is for how I'd like to interact with the world, the environment, the people, and the situations that surround me, I will be able to keep myself in a balanced place.

When I catch myself driving aggressively, I have to stop myself and say: what if my teacher saw this? What would she say? I could hear Mokshapriya saying to me: "you're not present." And what if my students saw this? Is this not what I teach and talk about in class? (And as a side-note to students: our work is all the same. Your teachers are not infallible or perfect. For everyone, the work is about being present, being focused, being mindful.)

So what is it for you? Is there someone or something that inspires you to be better? A parent, a child, a sibling, friend, a lover, a teacher, a student...? If not someone, is there a goal, a higher purpose, a challenge, a path, that motivates you and inspires you to be who you are/who you want to be?

Figure out what that this is, and use it. In your darkest, ugliest, most humiliating, mortifying, unproud moments,   remember that person, that thing, that idea, that image, and let it drive you to rise to the occasion. Let it be the thing that allows you to show up, to pull through, and rise above being someone you don't want to be. Because every single one of us is that person on occasion. Every single person does or says or just thinks something that he would rather not, something that is in stark discrepancy with what she really wants out of life or out of herself.

Gratitude

Today I had the privilege to teach three classes and to take two classes. Over six hours of yoga, and I cannot think of anything else I'd rather be doing.

It is the commuting from one place to another that can get grueling, but while I am mid-Long Island traffic and swearing every traffic light, I have to stop myself and recognize how lucky I am. I get to spend all day doing what I love to do. How many people can say that?

This forces me to stay present.

Gratitude.

Craving and Rejecting

The next time you find yourself stressed out, or challenged mentally or emotionally or physically, or whatever, see if you can just witness it. Without judgment, without expectation, just simple observation. See if you can observe the process of craving and rejecting. This simple cycle of craving something and rejecting another thing which can be applied to so many instances. It can be as basic as you have an itch on your face, you crave to be more comfortable and not feel that itch, so you reject the itch and the feeling of discomfort. This is the process of precept (of perceiving). The outcome is the action; you scratch the itch. This is a simple example. Now think of it on a much greater scale.

Your friend, or family member, or significant other, or coworker, or neighbor communicates that something you did or said was hurtful or offensive or uncomfortable in some way. You reject his or her feelings because they are not agreeable and you crave for things to just be fine and easy instead of questionable or difficult. So you deny or argue against his or her feelings instead of just accept that somebody in your life may feel a way that differs from how you feel. This forcefulness and pressure only makes things worse, and now you are hurt, offended, or uncomfortable too.